Hello to all of you beautiful people!
Long time no blog, if you will. Yes, this is totally on me, have been having trouble with this post for some reason. I guess the more personal the topic is, the harder it is to write about it. Go figure!
Let me explain further. I wrote a little bit about my whole pneumonia debacle a few weeks ago, and as promised, here is another post about the eventful experience… more specifically, the part about the after effects. So, long story short, my ‘really really bad pneumonia’ was because of aspiration A.K.A. liquids going into my lungs when swallowing. Sadly, this has happened before… so, something needed to change. They told me that I need to add thickener to ALL my liquids now! Ouch! When the doctors said these words to me, I seriously just sat there blankly. It was as if time had frozen. All that came to mind at first, was: “this can’t be happening!”, then shortly after, “but… but… my coffee!! how will I get my daily coffee?!” The news was quite the slap in the face, as they say.
Keep reading to see the stages of grief I went through and how I came out on the other side…
ZoeyValuated Coping with The Thickened Plot!
Crying – Yes, I may not be able to produce tears, but crying is sadly not out of the question. The truth is, there definitely would have been tears shed over this issue. The first stage of grieving, perhaps?
How – My mind during this whole thing…
How can it be?
How will I drink?
How long will it last?
How am I going to get through this?
Let’s just say, there were a lot of ‘how’s’ scrambling around in my head.
Angry – Now, I’m really not an angry person, I swear! I try to be as calm and zen as I can, but this particular event did make me slightly peeved, I’m not gonna lie. Maybe annoyed is more the appropriate word here, I’m not sure. Oh well, regardless, in a nutshell, I was not a happy camper I remember feeling like no one around me understood how tragic this was. No one took it seriously enough. This was a big deal!
So, what was the second stage, you ask?
Negotiating – This often happens during grief too, am I right? Well, I was definitely not yet able to accept my new reality. For so many years, I convinced myself that this day would never come, that it would never happen to me, but here it was. I was sure the doctors must be wrong, there was no way that I couldn’t drink liquids normally anymore? There must have been a misunderstanding?!
Grieving – The whole thing was very slowly accepted and then I had to actually grieve the ‘loss’. As weird as it sounds, I felt like this meant I needed to let go of the feeling of ‘fitting in’. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this belief that I needed to do things the same way as others in order to fit in with them. The more little extra things I had to do (i.e. my eye drops), the more I felt left out. Now I think differently, don’t worry, but momentarily these feelings came back. I felt like adding this thickening thing to my F.D. repertoire would take me that much farther away from fitting in. This was my ‘grieving period’, as I like to call it
Exploring – Now, I’m thankfully onto the fun phase… exploring how this all works. The latest? I have recently thickened various alcoholic beverages and even some pop! The results? Well, it worked, they were definitely thick! Drinkable, but thick. Nothing I can’t get used to!
Suggestions? – I thought I’d leave the best for last… the place where you guys get involved! Have you ever dealt with frustrating doctor’s orders? What did you do? What would you suggest? What is your advice for coping?
Merci beaucoup! I cannot wait to hear all of your answers!